.today.

dear today,
let's make it a good one. let's be kind to others, and speak highly of them. let's highlight their positive attributes rather than their flaws. let's hope for greatness and for miracles to happen. let's celebrate another you, and a chance to achieve anything we want to do. another you.

.drop.

today was a long sad day. i hate days like these, but to every ying, there is a yang. people always ask me if doing my rotation at a cancer center is difficult emotionally. it doesn't really ever phase me, i guess being too focused on being the perfect intern. but yeah, some days, it's really hard. i like walking into a room and bringing a smile to someone's face, lending an ear when i can. i feel like i've been able to contribute to their well being. but on other days like today, i'm walking up the stairwell and need to pause, lean my head at the wall at the landing, and just close my eyes to pray to have the strength. life is so fragile. we are so fragile, trying our best to survive in a world that is sometimes so cruel, dealing us really bad cards. it breaks my heart how it always seem to be the best of them, that just don't make it, and the continued faith that families try to have in the healthcare system. i love the love that patients pour out despite their bodies failing them. i love the love that families have, even when the medical profession is failing them. i'm completely a insignificant part of the process, a drop in the very vast ocean, but somehow, i'm glad to be of service.

.fields.

super excited, i finally finished my inservice presentation today. it was kinda weighing on me to finish, and now i just gotta finish up this portion of my internship for 4 weeks and then i'll be done with fieldwork IIA! time is a ticking, so many events coming up. i've booked my ticket to my sister's graduation but that's it so far. i'm kind of holding off for a number of reasons. but yeah, we'll see what happens.

.lent.

for lent, i'd like to be a better person, minimizing my complaining, forgiving and trying really hard to forget. kinda like the target bag i left in target after paying for them. yup. walked right on out without them. what was "funny" was that i called, and they said they would hold it in customer service for me to pick up the next day. when i went there, the guy pulled out a "paid and left" binder. so i'm not the only idiot that has done this, enough people have done this blunder that target had to create a whole binder for them. too funny. so i'm living in LOL with my cousins and their niece who cracks me up, but makes my ovaries shut down daily. my desire for motherhood was neither increased at ash wednesday mass last night where cranky babies had a reunion and a screaming match. i definitely prayed in church, but it sounded more like, "WHY ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH ARE YOU LETTING YOUR CHILD SCREAM LIKE THAT? PLEASE. PLEASE. DEAR LORD MAKE THAT CHILD STOP...ETC." X 1209457 in the course of an hour and 15 minutes. oh well. some are made for it. i am not. my peds rotation is not looking too promising right now. i am loving my acute rotation. i am thankful for my clinical instructor. really really thankful and blessed. oh and for lent, i'm giving up boys. yeah, that's a long story, best told over alcohol which i am trying to stay away from as well. i'm not a lot of fun these days, and that my friends, is the story of the transplant's life.

.hello.

how bout that ride in? got to tampa last night, hoping to unpack all my stuff today, only to have a monsoon on my hands to deal with. le sigh. so yeah, i'm about to start a new portion of this so called life and i'm excited to be part of this place. just gotta let the nerves settle a bit. ahh..the stomach is doing flip flops. smile, nod, cooperate to graduate. heheh...straight from the mouth of one of our professors. so a few more days to rest, and then nose to the grindstone.

.relief.

i can breathe again! i passed my practical exit exam and now i'm gearing up for my 2 internships and then ta da, graduation! i can't believe i'm at this point in my life. i feel like i was just writing about how i got accepted into OT school! i feel really fortunate to be pursuing a field that wants to help people so much. it's what i feel God made me to be, to be a servant, to help, to make someone's life just a little bit better, even if for a second. that's why i take it so hard when i don't do that, when i make someone's life more difficult, or when i end up hurting them instead of helping them. i just want to be a good person, someone that Someone will be proud of, that will make Him smile. i don't ever want to seem demanding, i just want my life to feel like it has some sort of meaning. i have already been so blessed, anything more, would just be bonus. well as you can see, i'm not being very productive with my packing, but it will come together. there's also no pressure, i don't have to take everything with me, my landlord/roommate is so understanding and such a Godsend. i start on 2/15 in tampa, so please pray for me! i love love all of you for your continual support and prayers. please know that i am so blessed and grateful for all your love.