if you come across this, purposely or by accident, something i just want you to know, you're never alone in whatever it is that you're thinking or feeling. Thank God for technology, to share without sharing, to vent without feeling like someone is going to judge you for what's weighing on your heart. happy new year. let's make it an awesome one.

my reason for living is simple and true, the reason i live is simply for You. if that means what i want comes second to what You will, then please, let those things remain second. if it means a lifetime of loneliness for a second of Your happiness, then please, give me that lifetime. whatever You will for my life, i simply want it all to be for You. this journey isn't easy, and i would love to travel it with someone, but again, i trust that You hear my heart, You've listened to my cries. I am so thankful for all that You've done for me and continue to do for me. I love You so much.

i had the most wonderful dream in my daze of 15 hours of bronchitis ridden sleep. i was standing in line to get into a museum or a show of some sorts and a handsome guy and his autistic brother were standing in front of me. and i immediately connected to the autistic brother. his older brother was touched that i was totally okay with his sensory seeking brother. then later in the same dream, i was bonding with a guy's daughter or niece. we ended up cuddling during the show toward the end of the dream. it was telling, as if i will attract my guy through the kindness he sees me exhibit through others. i don't do this consciously. i just try to be a kind person because i think it's the right thing to do. it doesn't hurt if a wonderful guy a consequence of all this service for the greater good though.

.is me it you're looking for?. the more things change, the more things stay the same. kind reader, my heart hurts. i pray for healing, i pray for the strength and courage to allow the cure to happen. what if the remedy required me to give up what i have and move half way around the world? would i be able to do it? courage. you can't just pray for the answer, you have to have the courage to accept the answer.

.Gratitude.

everyone gets a lot more gracious once thanksgiving is around. i'm thankful too, even if i don't express it. i'm thankful every single day. even if i don't feel like it. sometimes i think people around me have so much more to be thankful for, that it's easy to be thankful when so much falls into your lap, but i'm sure it's all from your own unique perspective. i'm typing this from my parents' heated house on my macbook. seriously, i'm considered a princess compared to others. so i'd like to remember that, the next time i decide to complain. i should just really learn to say thank you.

.lows.

day 10: friday: i like fridays during lent because it's meat free for the catholics. friday was an all day symposium. i drank about 10 cups of coffee but didn't add cream once. getting used to drinking it with just sugar. cheated with a mozzarella and cheese wrap as well as 4 cookies. there was no way i was going to make it through the rest of the day without them. dinner was good for the most part, i had some pasta with veggies but i admit there was some parmesean cheese sprinkled throughout. thought i had survived but then had another cheat with margarheta pizza. it was dang good too.

day 11: saturday: breakfast/brunch: tofu scramble with veggies, coffee. lunch: hummus and lettuce wrap which i promptly threw up probably due to bad lettuce or this bug i caught. dinner: veggie gyoza, cucumber rolls, and clear soup. i was so proud even though the sushi looked amazing.

day 12: sunday: the ultimate fail day!!! so i was feeling really run down and ended up going to ac with my parents so i wouldn't drive and just tag along. after church decided to go eat buffet which i was fine with, until my parents discovered it was lobster fest. forget it. i haven't eaten seafood in 21 days. i celebrated this victory by eating lobster, fish, shrimp, cheese, dairy, the kitchen sink and more. it was worth it. i fully expect to be just as bad this weekend in new orleans.

and that is how the cookie crumbles.