.goals.

the walk went really well today. i walked about a quarter mile of it and ran the rest. thank you again for helping me reach my goal. pictures to be posted shortly. i'm super touched by people's generosity, especially those i haven't seen in YEARS. it's amazing to know that no matter the amount of time that has lapsed, a commitment of friendship and love is shown through unconditional support. i normally hate bugging people or making them feel obligated in any way to financially contribute to a charity, but this is the one time of year i actually suck up my pride and do it, because really, it's for an amazing cause, and babies always have a special place in my heart, as does ali. i look at her and my heart immediately melts because she is one of strongest fighters i have ever met. she helps me remember that life has meaning and is full of love, even when it doesn't seem like you've been dealt a full deck of cards. i wish more people remembered that there are people around them that need love just as much as them and didn't always put their own needs first. i really pray to not keep comparing because i'm sure we're all where we are for a reason. let me continue to serve the needs of others and the joy will be sure to follow.

.run away.

so i've finally confronted the notion that i can no longer hide behind my sweaters and my baggy sweatshirts. earlier this week, rather than being late for work, i threw on a fairly light long sleeve shirt and proceeded to have a literal melt down in the clinic. so yes, i need new teeshirts for one, but now i have an added incentive to get this ass into gear. today sucked with the pollen, but i did it anyway.

thought i would help my fellow inactive readers to get into gear too.

:wardrobe:
believe it or not, this prevents a lot of people from working out because they don't think they have the right stuff (oh baby). and if anyone has been in sports authority or dicks sporting goods, they will know this stuff can get expensive. but it really doesn't have to be. for those that are starting out:
teeshirt or in colder weather, a long sleeve tee. today i wore an aqua blue Tekgear long sleeve tee that wicks sweat away from the skin. i got this for like 10 bucks at tj max. it was kinda chilly earlier so i threw a blue zip up sweatshirt over. definitely didn't need it by the end.
pants: sweats are fine, i like yoga pants b/c they hug my legs and don't irritate the skin. i had black danskin yoga pants and I LOVE THEM. danskin can be expensive, but i found these in the outlets for about 15.
socks: you want them high enough that your achilles (back of the foot) has coverage so it doesn't rub against the back of your shoe. basic is fine, i highly recommend ones i found lately at walmart which are the fruit of the loom no show black sport socks with arch support (bag of six).
shoes: this is definitely where you want to take the most time and money to invest in because you want to create like a love affair with them. first you need to determine your foot type: http://running.about.com/od/shoesapparelandgear/a/foottypes.htm
and have a salesperson at a sporting goods store help you out. i have a pretty high arch but i get good support from my Asics GT-2080. i've had them for a couple of years and i need to replace them soon which i'm kinda sad about. RUN IN THEM FIRST! dicks has a really good return policy, and they have a loop in the store to run. i know you'll feel silly running in them in the store, but RUN IN THEM! you can only really break in a shoe so much. my asics felt like butter the moment i put them on.

gear:

i am basically and completely in love w/ my nikeplus. (one of my most favorite birthday gifts). i didn't think i would be trendy, but this honestly helps me not just run but is helping me stay on task. along with that of course is my ipod (one of my most favorite christmas gifts) and one of my most greatest purchases my armband. the only con to the armband from what i read is that it will not work on small arms, which is not a problem for my she-ra arms so just beware.

music: it was on random, but i got a good run with:

• Goggle (Remix) by Tanya Stephans
• Big Pun Ultra Remix by Crooklyn Clan
• Escapade by Janet Jackson
• La La La by Jay-Z
• Hollaback Girl by Gwen Stefani

i haven't had a chance to download any good stuff lately, so the stuff is pretty old school but i have enough to work with. i just came across this site and downloaded two mixes. i definitely did not like them but then again, maybe i have to keep searching.

happy running!

.fever.

i hate spring. always have, always will. i hate pollen, i've had hay fever every year since i was ten. back then, they didn't make medicine quite as well. i was constantly drowsy and miserable. it seems to get worse every year. i want to rip my eyes out and turn my throat inside out and itch it to pieces. i hate spring. spring meant that track season was starting. i remember how i would be in the field house chatting it up with "T" who would be in the weight room training for his elite soccer team or whatever. warm weather memories. gah i hate them. i hate change in weather that brings the bugs out, and the people out. it starts to get warm and people start going crazy with insisting that every other past activity now must be conducted outside. i hate how spring becomes a coming out social event. people want to have their iced coffee coolattas on the metal tables outside under the umbrella, while wearing their light jacket over a cute khaki skirt and wedge sandals. people start window shopping and taking walks through the city, stopping in this thrift store and that cheeky designer shop. and the baseball games, sitting in the semi-cool night air while watching the sky dim, who wants that? how bout the beginning of those spontaneous bbqs? yeah, totally lame that anyone would enjoy just bumming around the table, drinking beers and shooting the breeze or chillin on the front steps talking about everything and anything. yeah...totally.

.pushing up.

sorry for the lack of posts. my life has been so ridiculously awesome that i just haven't had the time. but on the reals, today was a long day. i went to hackensack medical center to donate blood for a grade/high school classmate whose leukemia came back. it was only really a 45 minute drive which stretched into an hour and 15 with traffic and detours. commuting is normally very boring, but i couldn't help but crack up at this guy who was pulled over to the shoulder, DOING PUSH UPS against his car! i thought, "hm, maybe he's trying to push something." but no, he was straight up flexing his guns and doing his sets. i looked in the rearview mirror as i passed him, and then wouldn't you know it, he finished, got in his car and attempted to merge into the crawling traffic.
you just can't make stuff up like that.

i was a little disappointed, i went to HUMC all early so i would have enough time to donate platelets which is a good 3 hour run, and then head to work. well, sadly, i was rejected. they inspected my veins and told me i wasn't a viable enough candidate. i didn't know how to react, i've always thought i had strong veins! i had to be satisfied with donating a pint of my blood, and at least that will do some good, i hope. it's good to give back. (did i mention i'm walking this weekend? www.marchforbabies.org/stacyong?) hehe... shameless plug.

remember, when we look back on our life, we really do want to see how kind we were to others, not really expecting anything in return, but the sheer satisfaction of having contributed kindness, selflessness and love to this world.

.hands off.

one of the greatest life lessons i have been privy to lately is that of acceptance. i know some may not have a deep rooted faith, and that's okay, but it might be a little more difficult to grasp otherwise. that's simply because when you accept something, you basically surrender and lift the situation to a higher power. and the greatest thing that comes with acceptance is that of grace. this is so powerful to me, because i have mucho control issues. i want so much for things to go my way, and sometimes i try to nudge things in one direction, rather then letting it take its course. all this has done has caused me a lot of disappointment and frustration because it's not going my way. sometimes people just want to be a superhero, to be able to save the day, save the situation, to alleviate a concern. there's a fear of disappointing people, of showing weakness, the fear of being judged as indifferent or uncaring. however, if you have the grace to accept the situation for what it is, you submit yourself to the humbling notion that you are, essentially nothing. i'm not saying you abandon someone or leave them hanging, but you just gotta work within your limits and boundaries, respecting the bigger picture and the higher authority. i don't like authority. i don't like when someone tells me what to do. i don't like when i feel like someone is judging my actions. but true devotion and faith is about submitting to the Father's will, and trusting in His ultimate plan. He sees all, He knows all, and He corrects everyone, in His own time. sometimes i need to just remember that.

.biz-e.

so life continues to be so ridiculously awesome. i had breakfast at G's house, saw E off back to maryland, and then went to work until 8:30. it can't get better than that. sadly enough, the only thing that seems to be getting better is my horrible sarcasm. saw a friend at the popular sushi place yesterday, and thoroughly enjoyed when she decided to blow up my spot in front of another person. that was really great. i saw no way around it, so i just embraced it fully and called her out for calling me out. that's how we jersey girls roll. only the strong survive. seriously.

so let's dig deep for some great updates. oh, i went to a mets game on saturday. yeah, i never realized how many milwaukee fans congregate in the new york area. i told them to shut up and drink the beer that they all probably had some hand in making anyway. um, then i went to an orientation for the papal youth rally where my very important top secret assignment will be to help with student drop off. it's incredible i tell you, the honor i feel is too precious for words. yesterday i drove an hour and a half for my goddaughter's birthday so i could play rock band for two hours with the cousins. straight. family bonding is so important to me. so i can't wait to update you guys tomorrow and tell you all about my rock star day.

.advice.

i figure i should bring something new to the table today instead of ranting. i just wanted to give a little inspiration to those that are still trying to find their niche in this world and trying to figure out what they love to do. so here's a little insight for those young and old.

my background. when i was little, i wanted to be a doctor, because my father was my biggest role model at the time. i biggest thing i loved about his profession was how he was able to help people. as i progressed through school, i thought more and more about social work or human services, but my parents wanted something a little more financially secure for me. ADVICE NUMBER ONE: find a role model who inspires you and try to surround yourself with peers of different professions that interest you.

doing the college tour late in the game, i settled on a school in dc, figuring it was far enough but close enough to home. ADVICE NUMBER TWO: be specific with the type of environment you want to go to school in. do you have school spirit? are sports important to you? class size? weather? are you willing to shuttle, or do you want a small campus?

i switched my major 3 times and went from the arts & sciences school, to the school of international affairs, to finally the school of public health. thinking i would be a physical therapist, i finished up a bachelor of science degree in exercise science with a pre-health profession concentration. i also finished up minors in public health and psychology. (yes i still graduated on time). my senior year, i had no desire to become a PT, but i just finished for the sake of finishing. ADVICE NUMBER THREE: sometimes going to college right out of high school is NOT the best option, especially if you have NO idea what you want to do. take your general pre-reqs at the community college and you'll save mucho money. drawback? missing out on 4 years of a "college experience", not making the friendships/bonds as easily.

my first job out of college was as a director of a children's fitness center. i helped open the franchise in cherry hill. this was all a blessing and a burden, because i got paid really well, but i was miserable, often working 7 days a week. my boss was young, and immature business-wise. i put up with it for an arduous 10 months before throwing in the towel. i finished up my lease, babysitting full time and moved back home, embarking on a 2 month vacation. ADVICE NUMBER FOUR: if you have the time in your life to just travel, do it. it will help gain clarity into who you are, and how there's just so much of the world to see. i spent a month in the philippines, two weeks in california and then took a train from california up to seattle washington. then i took a bus into vancouver canada and spent two weeks with my relatives there. ADVICE NUMBER FIVE: find your foundation of who you are with your family. try to spend as much time as you can with the ones you love. it will definitely almost always be worth it.

upon coming home, i started subbing in the local school system. i was accepted into a resident teacher program in maryland and was ready to go when i found out i would need to have back surgery. i renigged my acceptance and had to start over again. ADVICE NUMBER SIX: sometimes it's not meant for you. accept it and move on. i went back to subbing and then eventually found a job as a teacher's assistant at a school for autistic children. i moved out and my roommate and i lived in a two bedroom apartment above a pizza place. it was one of the best decisions i ever made. i loved my job and what i did, but i knew there was something else in store for me. ADVICE NUMBER SEVEN: never settle.

the rest is kind of a blur, i quit my job and entered a massage therapy program. unfortunately i had to move back home, but i accepted it as a sacrifice. ADVICE NUMBER EIGHT: always have a plan before you quit your job. well, unless it's really that bad. once i finished with that, i helped my dad at his office before taking a job as a part-time nanny, and massage therapist. i also started taking my pre-reqs to apply to grad school for occupational therapy. ADVICE NUMBER NINE: set a reasonable time-frame and make sure you look at the list of requirements very carefully. some schools will not take your classes if they are outdated or not above a B.

even though these were not the arenas i wanted to be working in, they were both flexible enough that i could go to school and work at the same time. after really searching, i finally came across jobs as a therapy rehab aide, and now work full time at an outpatient PT clinic, and per diem at a sub-acute care rehab center. ADVICE NUMBER TEN: be persistent. keep searching, make contacts and network. always let someone know you are looking for something. chances are, they know someone that can and will help you.

i'm not going to lie to you. it took me a really long time to get to where i am. a lot of doors were closed in my face, calls ignored and people too busy or selfish to help. but where one door closes, another truly does open. it really really does. am i a hundred percent sure i want to be an occupational therapist? no, not really. but the worst that comes out of all of this, is that i'm smarter and wiser. and i move on. don't be afraid that you'll pigeon-hole yourself into a career or profession. life's too short to live it with regrets.

it's truly up to you to create your own happiness.

.surely you jest.

if anyone needs any clarification, life is just awesome, dandy and super. sorry if anyone got the impression otherwise. wouldn't want to air my dirty laundry out like that. so let's talk about the current issues instead of those silly things like my feelings. how about that pregnant husband dude? i was disgusted and mad, but now i realize that SHE is just doing it for the money and publicity. really, she's not a dude. she's just a woman who stopped shaving her pits, let her facial hair grow, lopped off her breasts and started shooting up w/ testosterone. she doesn't even have a pekoy, it's just an oversized sensitive part of her vajayjay. when you put it in THAT context, it's just a masculine biana having a baby. let's just stop giving her the publicity she doesn't deserve. i'm not even going to entertain w/ a picture, because my readers are so much smarter than that. oh and she's having a girl. maybe she'll ask her daughter if she wants to keep her teets or if she wants to have them removed one day just like daddy.

but what IS sicker than sick is this article that was so lovingly forward by the SBFF, about a woman who's having a sexual relationship w/ her father and produced his granddaughter/daughter to him. wouldn't that mean that her mother is her half-sister as well as her mommy? talk about sukafest 2008. that's just up there on the list of foul and unnecessary circumstances. and to top it all off, is a german dude who lost his bid to have germany lift the ban on incest laws because his MENTALLY RETARDED SISTER and him were consenting adults when they entered this affair that produced FOUR children.

are
you
kidding
me.
o_O

the saddest aspect of these hellbound people, is really the children. if the parents want to do their thing, whatever that may be, then fine, do it. but why does one gotta be so selfish as to bring children in this world that will suffer from parental perversion? i hope these "adults" are saving up money. they'll need it later when they start sending their kids to therapy.

so this is my fervent plea for the future of this world: HEY PSYCHO PEOPLE, STOP PROCREATING! stop mixing your effed up genes and entering your creation in the contest for the making the next anti-Jesus. please. just contain your nasty habits and keep the numbers down so we don't have to keep increasing our circle of prayers.

.bressings.

with all the isht that has been happening in MY own personal life, i just wanted to take a step back and remember the littlest things that made me smile today:
*finishing work at 230pm
*finishing leftovers from iberia peninsula
*being able to pay my credit card on the phone and having the fee waived
*reaching 77 degrees
*my friends calling me to say hi
*dinner at Ats house
*peanut giving me new ringtones
*going to adoration
*my coworker agreeing to work for me tomorrow

some days are just so much more difficult to feel grateful for. i know i am extremely blessed, but sometimes it's a challenge to feel blessed. i just want to feel happy without having to remind myself why.

.hurts.

time and time again, we are taught to live our lives to the fullest, with kindness and with love. sometimes we forget somebody, something, some day, some event, some date. The sooner the omission is detected and corrected, the better. It's kind of like knitting a sweater. If you spot a missed stitch right after you make it, you can simply unravel a bit of yarn and move on. But if you don't catch the mistake until the end, you may need to unravel the whole sweater just to redo that one stitch. we are unraveling, i am unraveling. it sucks, but it has to be done in order to perfect the masterpiece that He started in me from the beginning. i pray for the strength to persevere through all this, that He'll stay close to me and allow me to lean on Him when i am so incredibly weak and small. just need to rest a while. <3

.whisper.

i seriously hate/love when people whisper in church. what can be so incredibly urgent that you have the break the silence of prayer in the house of God? yesterday the priest changes the response of the intentions from "Lord hear our prayer" to "Risen Lord hear us." it took people like 5 times to get it straight. at the end of the intentions we sit down and this woman starts whispering loudly to her neighbor, "HE DIDN'T TELL US TO SAY 'RISEN LORD HEAR US'. WHEN DID HE TELL US THAT? HE DIDN'T TELL US THAT. ARE YOU SURE HE TOLD US TO DO THAT?" this went on for another 30 seconds. in case you were wondering, the priest did tell us the correct response, i guess this lady was just whispering so loudly she wasn't listening to the priest. it's just too much for me to handle at times.

.the present is a gift.

so i watched this, and i thought...gosh, i could've sworn i saw a toni braxton video just like this. and then i got kind of caught up in the time stamps. but i did truly love the message. tomorrow is not really guaranteed. sometimes i wonder when i wake up, is this just one more day that we won't know each other? and i'm wondering if he's okay, wherever he is, if he's even a notion at this point in my life. funny, but people mention that life is easy to live to the fullest even in singlehood. but really, it's just not the same. i get it, the grass is greener. but with all the frustration, all the independence one surrendered upon entering a relationship, all the dramatics and tears, there are few that would trade that for solitude, for being less loved. whatever His plan for me, well, that's TBD and i'm sure whatever it is, He's got a big order to fill. God's probably looking at my prayer for him and thinking, "uh, did i even make anyone like that?"
and that's the thoughts in the head of the practical hopelessly hopeful romantic.