.motivation.

it's our last week of classes before finals. i can't believe i'm at this point. this semester truly flew by. it's going to be just as whirlwind when i go to key west and then home to jersey. again, i can't believe it'll be 4 months since i've seen my lovelies. i'm super excited, and i get to kick it off with a mets game with my godsons, their family and fellow sporting buddy.

maybe it was all part of my hormonal kick, but i was really angry on the treadmill today and ended up running for 45 minutes which amounted to 4.4 miles. nothing happened to me directly today, but all these crazy thoughts of past circumstances started popping up in my head and all of the sudden i was running like i was gonna catch up with someone and pound them. yes, very violent, but hopefully therapeutic. it also didn't help that i stepped on the scale. i'm stuck at this 2 pound hiatus. i can't seem to lose them. but i'll blame the hormones, and again, i blame the hormones because my weekend was fine. easter was lowkey, but again, all good. i was annoyed that i didn't get as much work done as i wanted to, but who can resist mary poppins and sound of music. dang you abc family, you won this round!

pray for that i hang in there and focus so i can rock these 2 practicals and 4 exams! thanks!

.indulgence.

.Brooks Ghost Running Shoes.

so i made my one major purchase since the new year began, and that would be my running shoes. since i have no recollection of when i bought my asics and they were literally worn down, i felt quite justified in going to a store that didn't have the words foot or locker in it, and actually had a real person help me. they took a foot impression and fitted me with shoes that were appropriate for my type of feet. then they had me run around in them until i settled on a pair. i felt completely spoiled, and felt good about supporting a local business. it was very "road runner"esque. the road to slim stacy has been bumpy, lumpy and slow. i'm 2 pounds away from the 10 pound mark and i'm hoping to get there by the end of the month, especially now that midterms are over. besides, can you believe i haven't hit the beach yet? i dare not venture out in bathing suit attire. so when i'm sweating and craving the WORST foods (see below), i keep thinking of being on the beach. i know, i'm so vain, but this is what's honestly been running through my head when i'm working out and hating every single minute of it.

so that's what's been going on in the my world. oh and can i take ONE minute to discuss how annoying i find it that an asian crew has won america's best dance crew for the 3rd season in a row? i will delve later, but yeah, annoying. <3

.dismay.

i have a love hate relationship with working out. i absolutely hate it with a passion. the only part i enjoy is when it is over. whenever i go running, i can't run on a treadmill because i can't seem to commit to a certain pace. when i run outdoors, i give myself landmarks to run to, and then i psych myself out to run to a further one until i get to where i want to get. i don't really see or feel too many results right now, but i think i need to be patient. realllllly patient. [sigh]. i've also tried to be really good with food. one of my favorite health aids was inspired by my godson and his lovely mother, who introduced me to steaming bags. just put the veggies you want in the bag, add seasoning if you want, and nuke them safely. you don't lose as many nutrients as you would boiling the veggies or the added calories of frying them. i've also tried to incorporate a vegan diet, so i've been trying new foods on the menu drawer, again, introduced to me by godbaby's mama.

speaking of food, yesterday i went to the farmer's market and got mucho beautiful, fresh and inexpensive veggies. i love being able to do this in the middle of "winter". it makes me appreciate living down here. but in the same breath, i wish i could take certain people and food of nj/ny and meld it with my life in florida. that would be divine. i'm sure i've said it time and time again, but i really miss fresh and outstanding asian food. dc/va is a close second, but it just absolutely sucks down here. that's also why i'm trying to do more of my own cooking. it takes more time, but eh, time well spent, if it's for making me more healthy.

i really hope that at the end of the month i can report that these changes have made a difference. i will definitely keep you updated on this journey of operation lose stace's double face.

.zumba.

i went to my first class yesterday and it was awesome! i would recommend it for anyone that's looking to work out and learn some dance moves. we did the tango, cha-cha, salsa, indian banghra dancing, the jive and some other really fun stuff while getting our asses owned by the instructor. she can really shake it! i looked the fool up there but tried my best to keep up. then i had to cut out of the class early so i could make it to class on time.

i got my one of my 2 fieldwork assignments, and i'll be driving to gainesville every friday starting in february. not fun to drive 2 hours, but will be excited to work in the mental health area. i still don't know where i'm going for the 2nd one, but i pray it's an awesome site. we've been pretty jipped this semester in terms of opportunities to shadow what we want to do.

i was on xanga randomly last night and as i was reading through old entries, i wondered at where that "fun" stace went. i guess we all have to grow up sometime.

.keeping.

so i went to kickboxing on wednesday then ran for 30 minutes on the treadmill thursday. i need to keep on keeping on because i have made enough excuses and i am a poor role model to my future patients. i'm actually trying to watch the rest of this phoenix denver game which went into overtime. i really don't follow it like i used to, and had a very interesting conversation with a dear friend about fantasy sport leagues and how they have caused the demise of team loyalty. i miss watching sports with a sig fig. stupid memories.

thoughts on the brain:
is there a protocol for when you drive next to or are stopped at a light next to a car with the same make model and color as your car? i was in that awkward situation today. it made me feel like i showed up to a party with the same dress on.

what does it mean if you don't feel settled? am i doomed to have no permanence in anything?

.saddle.

so i went to yoga last night, then today ran on the treadmill for 20 minutes and followed it with a sculpting & abs class taught by a classmate of mine. she totally kicked my ass. i didn't realize how weak i became from being sick. blah. i'm dreading the fitness profile that i will have to do next week. can i please have another month to prepare for it!?! and in case you're wondering, i did not enjoy one minute of it, except for when it was over. but it will pay off, just like everything else that seems impossible right now.

i'm tired. it's time for bed. =)

i miss you!

.project.

remember when i posted about strolling the streets after church? yeah, this was part of my view, around sunset. something so truly amazing, and yet something i have to try not to take for granted.

since it's a new month, i think i'm going to try to post more of st. augustine so you have a better visual on what i see on a daily basis. i actually don't have a camera because i've always been lazy and relied on other people to take pictures. since i don't quite have that luxury, my camera phone will have to suffice and so i apologize in advance if the pictures come out lame. i know school consumes my life, but i'd actually like to start a new project of some sorts, and i'm trying to figure out what i'd like to pursue. it would definitely have to be something fun yet productive that makes me feel like i've actually accomplished something. i've been toying with the idea of knitting prayer blankets, but that would involve time to actually sit and knit, which i don't know if i can hack, especially if they have to be done by a certain time. i've thought about baking or cooking more, but that's a bit steep on the wallet, and i'd probably end up eating everything and i'd actually like to avoid that. so i'll think about it more. i've been running more, which is always a positive. who knows, maybe one day i'll start to enjoy exercise. at this point in my life, i've come to understand and believe that anything is truly possible.

.mental therapy.

i hate running, but when i do it, i feel better. i hope it becomes an addiction where i'm willing to get up at 5 in the morning in order to fit it into my day. people say that running is boring, but when i'm running, my mind is racing even faster with a million and three thoughts. i've mentioned it before, but it's also a mind game. i tell myself to run to the corner, then when i'm there, i say that i can stop when i get to the end of the block, and when i get there, i say that i can go just a little bit more to the stop sign, and i do this over and over again so i can get through my run. anger at the world helps me. every single negative person that i have ever encountered is just waiting at the finish line so i can strangle them. every single negative comment resonates in my mind and i crush each one with every stride. like with most things, it's a complete love-hate relationship. poor boys, they don't know what's coming.

.vanity.

i hate running. i do. i hate working out. i find no joy in exerting more energy then is possibly needed. but for the most part, i run because i don't have to think about it, count reps, or switch to a new activity. i run. my trusty ipod and nike+ keep me going and motivated, and i am going to reveal what goes on in my mind when i run.

basically, my playlist is hip-hop and reggae save for ant farm's "smooth criminal". this genre keeps me motivated because i picture myself dancing in a club/lounge and i'm trying to look good. the only thing that keeps me running is pure vanity. today was rough, i ran about 3 3/4 miles, and walked a bit to make it 4. towards the end, i had to make myself angry to keep running, so i started thinking of people and situations that make me angry and dude, next thing you know, i was running because i was fired up. i think i even called myself fat at one point. i know, not exactly the most mentally healthy thing to do, but it pushed me another 500 feet up my hill to my driveway. just as a disclaimer, i don't offer this as advice, i'm just trying to tell you a story. but yeah, thought you would enjoy a glimpse into my world.

.run away.

so i've finally confronted the notion that i can no longer hide behind my sweaters and my baggy sweatshirts. earlier this week, rather than being late for work, i threw on a fairly light long sleeve shirt and proceeded to have a literal melt down in the clinic. so yes, i need new teeshirts for one, but now i have an added incentive to get this ass into gear. today sucked with the pollen, but i did it anyway.

thought i would help my fellow inactive readers to get into gear too.

:wardrobe:
believe it or not, this prevents a lot of people from working out because they don't think they have the right stuff (oh baby). and if anyone has been in sports authority or dicks sporting goods, they will know this stuff can get expensive. but it really doesn't have to be. for those that are starting out:
teeshirt or in colder weather, a long sleeve tee. today i wore an aqua blue Tekgear long sleeve tee that wicks sweat away from the skin. i got this for like 10 bucks at tj max. it was kinda chilly earlier so i threw a blue zip up sweatshirt over. definitely didn't need it by the end.
pants: sweats are fine, i like yoga pants b/c they hug my legs and don't irritate the skin. i had black danskin yoga pants and I LOVE THEM. danskin can be expensive, but i found these in the outlets for about 15.
socks: you want them high enough that your achilles (back of the foot) has coverage so it doesn't rub against the back of your shoe. basic is fine, i highly recommend ones i found lately at walmart which are the fruit of the loom no show black sport socks with arch support (bag of six).
shoes: this is definitely where you want to take the most time and money to invest in because you want to create like a love affair with them. first you need to determine your foot type: http://running.about.com/od/shoesapparelandgear/a/foottypes.htm
and have a salesperson at a sporting goods store help you out. i have a pretty high arch but i get good support from my Asics GT-2080. i've had them for a couple of years and i need to replace them soon which i'm kinda sad about. RUN IN THEM FIRST! dicks has a really good return policy, and they have a loop in the store to run. i know you'll feel silly running in them in the store, but RUN IN THEM! you can only really break in a shoe so much. my asics felt like butter the moment i put them on.

gear:

i am basically and completely in love w/ my nikeplus. (one of my most favorite birthday gifts). i didn't think i would be trendy, but this honestly helps me not just run but is helping me stay on task. along with that of course is my ipod (one of my most favorite christmas gifts) and one of my most greatest purchases my armband. the only con to the armband from what i read is that it will not work on small arms, which is not a problem for my she-ra arms so just beware.

music: it was on random, but i got a good run with:

• Goggle (Remix) by Tanya Stephans
• Big Pun Ultra Remix by Crooklyn Clan
• Escapade by Janet Jackson
• La La La by Jay-Z
• Hollaback Girl by Gwen Stefani

i haven't had a chance to download any good stuff lately, so the stuff is pretty old school but i have enough to work with. i just came across this site and downloaded two mixes. i definitely did not like them but then again, maybe i have to keep searching.

happy running!