.yucky.

it's a yucky week full of projects and tests, so what better way to procrastinate then to blog! i was flipping through the channels and not studying for my gerontology test and came across sugarland performing on abc. i'm not a fan, but i had caught a part of them being interviewed on oprah. something that caught my ear was when jennifer nettles told oprah, she couldn't believe she got paid for what she did. when i saw her performing tonight, i could see the passion excude from her, and i thought, "wow, that's love". that's just awesome. i caught up with an old friend and we just talked for hours on end, and at one point, she said, "you're going to make a great OT". it was a really affirming message. i heard it right when i needed to hear it.

i think that's what's so wonderful about having a faith, we're taught that there are no coincidences in the world, that when you're meant to hear something, see something, encounter something, it all comes together.

<3

.procrastination.

okay, i have been giving myself 15 minute increments all morning. "15 minutes and then you'll get up", "15 minutes on fb and then you need to log off", "15 minutes to read blogs and blog", etc...
i am obviously trying to avoid studying for my 3 finals, even though it's crazy vital i do. i'll get there, i just can't believe it's already saturday morning. oh i am so excited that this semester is almost over! emotionally and academically i don't think it was as rough as 1st, but still as intense. i have learned so much about myself by being challenged, humilated, humbled, while being consoled and supported by my peers. i don't feel as alone as i did 1st semester, and i'm glad, because this was starting to become such a lonely road, and i was really questioning whether i had made the right/best decision in pursuing this Master's degree. but i keep trying to look at the big picture, and looking at what i really want to do and where i want to be.

i will soon have to choose internship sites and while i have been able to narrow down the type of populations i want to work with, my eyes have been scanning the whole map. east coast? west coast? home? far far away? familiar? completely foreign? i want to be somewhere i will thrive, and really get the best from my internship experience, but where??? i know, i should be fortunate to even have this dilemma, so i should look at it a bit more positively. we'll just have to see. <3

.refresh.

say hello to my little friends! the one on the left is basil, and the one on the right is lavender. i bought them while i was out at the farmer's market today. it was an incredible find, especially after talking with a dear friend about how much i wanted a basil plant. so i paid 5 dollars for the plants, and then went to home depot afterwards for the pots and soil. all under 10 dollars and a total of one hour. it's funny how the little things can be such gifts! i've been so funky lately, battling family issues in my head and in my dreams. i made some brunch and caught suzie orman on public television. in just 5 minutes, she changed my whole outlook on life. just like that, in 8 simple words.

Harmony-Balance-Courage-Generosity-Happiness-Cleanliness-Beauty-Wisdom.

if you can get your thoughts, words and actions to be one in the same, you have acheived harmony. if you have harmony, you can establish balance. once you have balance, you can be courageous....and so on. her words made me want to be a better person. like right after, i realized how i needed to change my line of thinking. for instance, i could be annoyed with the fact that my coffee filter folded over and coffee grinds got in my coffee, but you know what? i'm not going to let that ruin my day. instead, i'll just make another pot. simple as that.
so empowering! and then we can be good role models to our friends that are struggling with any of these areas in their lives. what a great gift. <3

.blueprint.

culturally i've been brought up to help people in need. that was drilled into my head by parental figures who have/had health care backgrounds. help others before you help yourself, and put yourself last. parents can be funny, they want so much the best for their child, but then put them on a path rather than letting them journey the one that God created for them. they put them on the safe, secure and standard way because that's what a parent is supposed to do, protect, care and nourish their child. but there is a fine line between guiding and steering a child. when the parent finally lets go, sometimes a child feels lost because they've been told what to do from the very beginning, or the path that they were meant to take is now strewn too heavily with weeds and debris. it's a true blessing when a child becomes a mature individual who dusts off their internal compass and starts to listen to their Maker's voice and not their parents'. i am slowly getting there and again, God is just awesome because He knows how us humans screw up all the time, so i feel like although He has a blueprint and a path for us, there's always more than one way to get there. for me, i've taken the very long journey. when i was little, i wanted to be a doctor because i wanted to help people. i remember being so excited to be old enough to volunteer at the hospital, and i couldn't wait to dedicate my life to becoming a missionary and doing social work and volunteering all around the world. this was free of any influence, this is what sang true in my heart. well as you can imagine, this was not acceptable to my parents who had worked so hard to provide a "better" life for my siblings and me, and they expected me to pursue a career and dream that would lend itself to stability and financial independence. my father told me that i wasn't wrong to have the dreams i had, but i needed to do something that would be able to put food on the table, then i could do what i wanted to do. again, understandable. and it had to be convenient. i was only allowed to volunteer at the church, because it was closeby and i could walk if i needed to. the hospital was too inconvenient for someone to drive me to. so rather than be angry about it, i learned that it just wasn't meant to be.

as you can imagine, i struggled with my dreams versus reality and now have found a happy medium. i know that as an OT i will be able to serve the needs of many people and help them become more independent in a world that doesn't always nurture them. and as long as i can gain my financial indpendence from my parents, then will i be truly able to follow through with my dreams and God's plan for my life. that's the only thing that matters to me, is making Him happy. i can forgo things of this world, if only to gain more love from Him. honestly. i know then will the joy return to my own heart.

.vocation.

it's just really interesting how thoughts in my head get somehow intertwined together in a weird sort of affirmation. yesterday i met up w/ mc at citywalk in orlando, which was about an hour and 1/2 drive for me and about the same for him from tampa. mc and i are good friends, and he's always had such a special place in my heart. i could say that there was a mutual interest but the timing was always off, and now he's happily settled with a gal he's been dating for 4 years now. it was honestly really nice to spend some time with him yesterday. we just walked around, ate, walked, talked, ate some more, and walked. as i drove home, i just pondered what God wants for me and where He wishes me to be. does He want me to be single? i'm afraid i just don't listen very well. i went to sleep thinking of that, and then when i went to mass, i thought about it some more. and then wouldn't you know, the pastor's homily was on vocations, and he brought up people who are single, and how they have the opportunity to "freely" serve others. mc asked if i was going to stay in florida after graduation. honestly, i don't know. there's always the notion of going back to nj, but i just don't know. i've never felt settled, like i wanted to stay in one place forever. i kinda have the heart of a missionary. the world needs so much help, and maybe this is God's gentle way of nudging me to not be attached, to not stay for any one person.

a couple of years ago, a guy from my past found out i was moving to maryland for a resident teacher program. he asked a friend of mine, "if i told her i was in love with her, would she stay?" the guy, being typical him, never brought it up with me directly, as it was my friend who recounted the story some time later.

the answer is no. jerk. man up.

random thought on the brain: why did the sign on the car for sale say "INCREDIBLE" as if i would want to eat the darn thing? o_O

.alante.

well hello st. augustine. not much has changed since i last saw you, although the warm change in climate has been a happy welcome home present. it's interesting, this life of a transplant. i had a 2 week break from individuals i see almost everyday here in school and saw loved ones at home that i haven't seen in months. when i got back last night, i was over at a friend's house (gosh, that's nice to say, seeing as i've been referring to my peers as classmates and peers) and caught up with some other...well, yeah, friends. we gave some happenings in our lives from back "home" and it was just pretty awesome because it's like we lead these double lives. here in st. augustine, to them i'm still the same whacky stace with her "stacyisms", but they don't get to be privvy to the familial part of my life that my darlings at home do. just as they get to share the lives they've in a sense left behind to pursue their degrees down here too.

and let's talk about the packing and driving. first of all, i have way too much "stuff" that i don't have the heart to throw away. i tried to bring more with me which was a huge advantage of driving, but i have a feeling that when i move out, i will need a moving van or a uhual because it is not going to fit in my suv. having moved about 15 times in the past 11 years of my life is no easy feat. i've never had the opportunity to feel settled. even here, 1 1/2 years isn't long enough to start painting some walls and getting cozy. so things stay in storage, waiting for their moment to shine again, hoping to be remembered and cherished by me.

LV to edison took 45 minutes. edison to alexandria took 4 hours. alexandria to st.augustine with a total stopping time of 3 1/2 hours took 14 hours. yeah...i left alexandria at 4 am and with stops and traffic in jacksonville, got to the house by 6pm. i was a little delirious. it wasn't bad, but thank goodness for ipods, and being catholic because i went through all 4 mysteries of the rosary and the divine mercy chaplet.

being sick through the whole break was awful. i felt awful, and got everyone around me sick. i had no motivation to shop and now still owe christmas presents. i still feel woosy, but i'm not coughing as much. i couldn't get through a conversation without coughing. i still sound like a man, but that's getting better too.

i don't really make resolutions in the beginning of the year, moreso because i try to make resolutions everyday to make the next day better. unoriginally, i do want to get into shape because i was kinda grossed out at the holiday pictures. ugly christmas sweater or not, i look and felt so frumpy! so that's gonna be it. i'm going to be a better student, kick total ass this semester, work out religiously, and be a better vegetarian.

and not be on the computer as much...right. haha...that's a good one.

.foreboding.

ersh, it's my last weekend before going back to school. just stayed in and bummed out on the couch. i know i should've taken advantage of it, but i really did need to rest and stop spreading my germs. not until today did i realize how much i've been running around and not sleeping well at all. then parentals left for the philippines and it's kind of sad how much we didn't see of each other. well hopefully they'll visit me in the spring because they still have their tickets to redeem. we shall see because my mom doesn't like to travel without my dad. one of my resolutions for 2009 has been to emphasize the positives and minimize the negatives. i really want to try to stress the good memories instead of letting all the hurtful ones pierce my heart over and over again. i want to fill this blog with happy news, just like the ones i get to read on my friends' blogs. 2009, i want you to be my happy head over heals year. please, i need that.

.stretch.

review today and 3 finals next week and then i'm back in jersey. i can't believe it, even as i type it. it was a very bumpy road, and i hope it goes a lot smoother next semester. i feel that as much as i've changed since i've gotten down here, i'm still the same in many ways. unable to sleep last night, i came across my journal which has entries from last year in it. i flipped to 12/10/07 and was surprised to see that the exact thoughts that were in my head were right there on the paper. incredibly sad. i apparently don't know how to move on. i'm ready for this semester to be over, and to see my friends back home, but i don't want to go "home". i'm trying not to dread it.

.you go girl.

source: defenselink.mil

Isn't this neat!?! Yesterday, for the first time in U.S. history, a woman military officer pinned on the rank of four-star general. i was reading about this woman, and at 55, it's awesome to see her where she is, especially when she started out in school where she couldn't attend west point like her father and brother had. and here she is as a 4 star general. amazing. Army Gen. Ann E. Dunwoody is now in charge of the Army Materiel Command that has about 130,000 service members in about 150 locations worldwide. so cool. and she's so freakin funny!
during her speech, as she attributed her sucess to her family and friends, she goes,

“There is no one more surprised than I, except of course my husband. You know what they say -- behind every successful woman, there’s an astonished man."

girl power!

.why i do.

i was cleaning out my inbox when i came across a forward from dear bean, and she reintroduced me to this amazing father son duo. i watched the video and was bawling. gosh, if you ever want to see what love looks like, then this is it. if you ever lose faith in men, in husbands and fathers, watch this. if you forget your faith and want to see how much Jesus loves you, it's kinda like this. it was perfect timing with 2 exams, a practical and 2 quizzes looming this week. as nervous i am, it helped reaffirm my passion for why i'm in school, how i want to be an instrument, a voice for those that have no voice. even more than ever, there's this renewed sense of hope among americans, belief that we live in a country that will gives the means to fulfill your dreams, goals and ambitions. i am among them.

.project.

remember when i posted about strolling the streets after church? yeah, this was part of my view, around sunset. something so truly amazing, and yet something i have to try not to take for granted.

since it's a new month, i think i'm going to try to post more of st. augustine so you have a better visual on what i see on a daily basis. i actually don't have a camera because i've always been lazy and relied on other people to take pictures. since i don't quite have that luxury, my camera phone will have to suffice and so i apologize in advance if the pictures come out lame. i know school consumes my life, but i'd actually like to start a new project of some sorts, and i'm trying to figure out what i'd like to pursue. it would definitely have to be something fun yet productive that makes me feel like i've actually accomplished something. i've been toying with the idea of knitting prayer blankets, but that would involve time to actually sit and knit, which i don't know if i can hack, especially if they have to be done by a certain time. i've thought about baking or cooking more, but that's a bit steep on the wallet, and i'd probably end up eating everything and i'd actually like to avoid that. so i'll think about it more. i've been running more, which is always a positive. who knows, maybe one day i'll start to enjoy exercise. at this point in my life, i've come to understand and believe that anything is truly possible.