.blueprint.

culturally i've been brought up to help people in need. that was drilled into my head by parental figures who have/had health care backgrounds. help others before you help yourself, and put yourself last. parents can be funny, they want so much the best for their child, but then put them on a path rather than letting them journey the one that God created for them. they put them on the safe, secure and standard way because that's what a parent is supposed to do, protect, care and nourish their child. but there is a fine line between guiding and steering a child. when the parent finally lets go, sometimes a child feels lost because they've been told what to do from the very beginning, or the path that they were meant to take is now strewn too heavily with weeds and debris. it's a true blessing when a child becomes a mature individual who dusts off their internal compass and starts to listen to their Maker's voice and not their parents'. i am slowly getting there and again, God is just awesome because He knows how us humans screw up all the time, so i feel like although He has a blueprint and a path for us, there's always more than one way to get there. for me, i've taken the very long journey. when i was little, i wanted to be a doctor because i wanted to help people. i remember being so excited to be old enough to volunteer at the hospital, and i couldn't wait to dedicate my life to becoming a missionary and doing social work and volunteering all around the world. this was free of any influence, this is what sang true in my heart. well as you can imagine, this was not acceptable to my parents who had worked so hard to provide a "better" life for my siblings and me, and they expected me to pursue a career and dream that would lend itself to stability and financial independence. my father told me that i wasn't wrong to have the dreams i had, but i needed to do something that would be able to put food on the table, then i could do what i wanted to do. again, understandable. and it had to be convenient. i was only allowed to volunteer at the church, because it was closeby and i could walk if i needed to. the hospital was too inconvenient for someone to drive me to. so rather than be angry about it, i learned that it just wasn't meant to be.

as you can imagine, i struggled with my dreams versus reality and now have found a happy medium. i know that as an OT i will be able to serve the needs of many people and help them become more independent in a world that doesn't always nurture them. and as long as i can gain my financial indpendence from my parents, then will i be truly able to follow through with my dreams and God's plan for my life. that's the only thing that matters to me, is making Him happy. i can forgo things of this world, if only to gain more love from Him. honestly. i know then will the joy return to my own heart.