.disappointments.

life is not about disappointments, but how you handle them. as creatures of habit, we fall into routines and patterns that we mold in order to feel safe and secure. anything out of that can be scary because of its uncertainty. i've stepped out of my "safe place" more times than i can count, trying not to end up feeling disappointed, trying so hard to hope for the best, trying not to have any expectations of events in my life. i've tried to console my heart after each less than optimal outcome, to dust the feet off and to keep going. and who knows, maybe until the day i die, there will always be something that doesn't go quite right, that breaks my heart yet once again. but again, it's all about the final outcome, that i really did just try my best and that it was all worth it in the end. and something i need to really work on, is this nasty habit of comparing my life to others. why do i do that? it's so pointless and unproductive and only frustrates my spirit. i'm trying so hard to hold onto my dreams, to not be afraid to shoot for them, to believe that they aren't so far out of my grasp. i try to believe that i'm heading in the right direction, that it will bring me peace and joy like i've never known before. i just pray for a chance to find balance in my life. i know it's all worth it, but i wish my heart would listen.