.retrointrospective.

i wasn't a mack mommy by any means growing up. i was nerdy and shy and awkward around boys and the first guy to ever express any interest in me was when i was 15. i didn't have a high school or college sweetheart. i was completely CLUELESS when a guy was interested. so i kind of missed out on that innocence of the feeling you had when your friend went up to you and told you that he was interested, and were you interested back? but i witnessed it and was sometimes the go between. i don't know what made me think of that today, maybe it was the spring/summerlike weather we were blessed with. it is my strong opinion with the realization that it's an obvious statement that everyone wants to be loved. i don't care who you are, or how hardcore you may present yourself to be, you want to be loved. you want someone to say that they love you, and that you mean something to them. okay, maybe i need to be specific, you want someone that you love or are highly interested in or attracted to, to tell you that they dig you/love you/admire you/really really like you, whatever level of investment you are at in this stage of your life. i mean, did you ever get ridicuously giddy when you found out the guy you've been crushing on likes you back? it was like you won some kind of lottery. what exactly is that cloud nine phenom? if only that feeling could be reproduced without the threat of rejection or hurt. maybe love is overrated. maybe it's been over dramatized and over produced like those chalky candy hearts and maybe it's high time i open my eyes to what IS. but it still makes me so day dreamy and idealize situations in my head that are so far removed from reality that it would do real well for a creative writing class.

i'm just being silly. okay, back to your regular scheduled programming.