.solitude.

.The Ellipse, Washington, DC 5/20/01.

i was cleaning and came across this picture from graduation day at GWU. i'm pretty sure my dad took it, perhaps amused at my annoyance that as it was pouring, i couldn't find my family in the crowd. the cheese stands alone, the cheese stands alone...whoa whoa whoa whoa...the cheese stands alone. alone. it's quiet right now, family's out and i'm here at the house. it's quiet. i'm alone. i'm used to this. when i was younger, i didn't really have a lot of friends, and honestly i don't know if that was just a filipino thing, because my mom wouldn't let me join girl scouts or play at people's houses or other stuff that kids do from what i gather. sometimes i would play with the kids in my neighborhood until we moved to a more isolated street. so instead, i spent a lot of time writing, reading, thinking, wondering about this world we live in, pondering my future, healing from my past and surviving for the present. was it just me, or did i have a weird childhood? solitude. some days i prefer it, other days i wish it wasn't such a default. another look...man i look pathetic. where the F are you? it's like i'm always searching...maybe i'm just waiting for someone to find me.
secret: i used to make up imaginary friends so i wouldn't feel so lonely.

"Let us love, since that is all our hearts were made for."

St. Therese, The Little Flower