.perseverance.

When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. ~Franklin D. Roosevelt

there's a million more fabulous quotes i came across when i was double checking my spelling. i found it interesting the word "sever" is in the middle of it which seems so opposite from the meaning of the word. most days in grad school, i am holding on to thin threads, but i am holding on, with hope whispering in my ear to keep going. it's only by my faith in God's grace and providence that i can do this. most days i question whether i'm cut out for this, but i just gotta keep going and remember in my heart and mind that it's never for my greater glory but for His. it may sound cheeky or preachy, but it's how i want to live my life. i just really gotta keep on keeping on. the rewards will come in time, the rest will come in time, the joy will come in time. <3

.somebody.

I've been roaming around, I was looking down at all I see
Painted faces fill the places I can't reach
You know that I could use somebody
You know that I could use somebody

Someone like you and all you know and how you speak
Countless lovers under cover of the street
You know that I could use somebody
You know that I could use somebody
Someone like you

Off in the night while you live it up I'm off to sleep
Waging wars to shake the poet and the beat
I hope it's gonna make you notice
I hope it's gonna make you notice

Someone like me, someone like me
Someone like me, somebody

I'm ready now, I'm ready now
I'm ready now, I'm ready now
I'm ready now, I'm ready now
I'm ready now

Someone like you, somebody
Someone like you, somebody
Someone like you, somebody

I've been roaming around, I was looking down at all I see

i have simply been obsessed with this song. i probably listen to it everyday, including acoustic covers. i just love so many things about it, and sure, i could use somebody. i've been going through a major withdrawal, so much more this time around then where i was last year. and i think a huge part of it, is that for 18 days straight, i was always with someone, whether i was up in jersey, maryland or puerto rico, and i always knew i was going to wake up with someone in the room or house. it definitely was a big adjustment to have to drive home from orlando to an empty house. it was actually a lot more difficult then i was willing to admit to anyone and hitting this 30 milestone in my life, was a BIG stone that i kinda just stubbed my toe on. just gotta brush it off and keep going.

.small.

i'm kept itty bitty, the moment i even think i'm anything greater, He puts me back in my place. it keeps me so grateful for every blessing He gives me, the meaning behind each means so much more. i've continued to struggle academically through my master's program, and really, i am used to feeling behind and insignificant to my peers, but i really did let myself down through my recent performance on an exam. maybe i was just so overconfident with it, but really, i didn't think i would do as poorly as i did. it just makes me feel so dumb and screw what anyone else would ever say about me, but i care about what this means to doing well overall, that i will be a good therapist some day. i wish there was some way to translate how much i care about people into these exams. sometimes, i'm just so tired of it all and i'm ready to walk away. i'm just not convinced that this is all worth it. but i go through it, feeling often alone, feeling often overlooked. just an itty bitty speck in this world, nothing more. so i'll keep going, and hoepfully i'll have that chance to rest and be able to enjoy it all for once. <3

.yucky.

it's a yucky week full of projects and tests, so what better way to procrastinate then to blog! i was flipping through the channels and not studying for my gerontology test and came across sugarland performing on abc. i'm not a fan, but i had caught a part of them being interviewed on oprah. something that caught my ear was when jennifer nettles told oprah, she couldn't believe she got paid for what she did. when i saw her performing tonight, i could see the passion excude from her, and i thought, "wow, that's love". that's just awesome. i caught up with an old friend and we just talked for hours on end, and at one point, she said, "you're going to make a great OT". it was a really affirming message. i heard it right when i needed to hear it.

i think that's what's so wonderful about having a faith, we're taught that there are no coincidences in the world, that when you're meant to hear something, see something, encounter something, it all comes together.

<3

.scrambled.

yesterday was a pretty productive day. i decided to mail my mom some calamansi from the tree that grows in my backyard, did some school work then went to confession then outlet shopping. my best finds were at jcrew, which had an additional 30% off their clearance items. i scored two shirts and a pair of shorts for 30 dollars! then i was in a cooking kind of mood and made mushroom asparagus risotto. it was pretty yummers, and then around 10pm, decided i wanted to make sugar coated pecans. the recipe calls for 2 egg whites, and everything was going swimingly until the second egg yolk broke as i was separating it. so not having another options, i made myself a scrambled egg and cheese sandwich at yes, after 10pm. i don't know if that did it, but i had a MAJOR stomach ache last night, the kind that makes you wonder what spawn of evil was born in your abdomen. my quickest remedy i always turn to is a teaspoon of baking soda in water. it is SHA-NASTY to drink but it really does ease the stomach with a quickness. i spent the rest of the night taking frequent trips to the bathroom and a less than optimal sleep intermittent with bad dreams. so a word to the wise, if you're gonna make sugar coated pecans, either be really good at separating your egg whites, or don't make it at 10pm at night.
happy sunday =)

.pieces.

so i got confirmed for my two internship sites next year! i'll be at a cancer center in tampa from february to may 2010 and a pediatric outpatient clinic in lakeland (in b/t tampa and orlando) may to august then graduation! i can't even start to believe it. i've been praying a lot about where God wants me to be, and i hope that this is it. i have been questioning myself a lot lately, and wondering if i'm not living my life to its fullest, or the way that God wants me to live it. i don't think i'm a bad person, but i know i could be a better person. i could be more forgiving, more generous, more flexible, and more trusting. i struggle a lot with trying to be content and roll with the punches instead of being angry and bitter. i need to believe that life isn't passing me by, that there is still so much to experience and be blessed with. gotta be patient, know that as many times as i'm transplanted to a new place, i want to do my best. <3