.suffer.

i'm taking physics. again, because taking it 8 years ago is not okay with my grad school, even though the subject itself has not changed, nor my love for it. i'm really trying to get through it, and sometimes i am tempted to withdraw my acceptance because i think that if they really loved me, they wouldn't say my acceptance was contingent upon the completion of this class. but then again, maybe they're just preparing me, so that when i get to the sunshine state, everything else will look like a breeze? "oh stace, you took physics twice in a decade? then it really should be no problem to saw this cadaver's skull open." something disheartening is that my professor was really discouraging people from taking his class due to its accelerated nature as a summer class. however, that didn't stop him from spending 20 minutes extrapolating a slope equation that we really don't even need to know. i did recite the word "Jesus" a good number of times hoping that maybe this was all a bad dream. at the end of july when this punishment is over, i will be heavily intoxicated until the end of august. i know, camp falls somewhere in between and i will try to hide the bottle around the kids. it's really about perseverance. around this time last year, i was simultaneously taking anatomy & physiology, working as a part time nanny, and as a massage therapist 7 days a week. if i got through that, i can get through this. and i should also mention i need to get in shape for school, and for my back which is making a return appearance starring as the role of the annoyance and pain in my life.

despite the tone, i am being positive. life's good and can always be better. today at work i talked to a patient who's a juvie officer, and she reaffirmed my life's goal to help people. if this gig as an occupational therapist falls short, i would love to become a social worker or just volunteer for the rest of my life. i could be really happy doing that.

we gotta find our happiness. it doesn't always bite us in the ass.