.wrap up.

i'm 17 again, days before leaving for GW. tears, fighting, words of regret. "i can't wait until you leave". i remember how angry i was, how i barely said goodbye when they dropped me off in dc.
now i'm on the cusp of 29, leaving for Florida. tears, silent resentment, words of judgment on my end. "guess you're too busy to celebrate my birthday." why do we prove the corny ass saying that the more things change, the more things stay the same? we float in non overlapping circles. we walk on eggshells, afraid to say how we truly feel. why does it have to be so difficult? why can't i just be happy? why does it hurt so freakin much and have to be all too complicated? with all the affirmation i receive from my peers, it's forgotten in just one glance, one word, and or one inaction or action. if only my heart was like the sand, and the waves would just sweep it clean. gah i'm so freakin emo. it sucks. it really really truly freakin sucks. i cannot put my feelings into a proper language for them to understand. to truly understand and for once, see where i am coming from, that i'm not just some major B, wouldn't that be a great wonder. i give up. i surrender. i am done. i have no idea what is wrong with people this week. call it hormonal, but i feel like people i considered close to me, are so inconsiderate and rude. whatever, i'm not surprised but i just wish i didn't try to keep the faith with you. clean slate, clean heart. start anew tomorrow. last day of work, then mets game with some beautiful friends. gotta embrace the smallest of blessings that come your way, right? right. righttttttt.