.haunting.

like a plot line from eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, i'd like to erase certain memories of certain people. there's one specifically, who seriously pops up at the most random times. there's still something about his name that emits some sort of emotion from me. it's been years, and so why won't he just go away? it's eerie stuff, like about a week ago, his name popped up, and so why then, did i get a text from him that night, after 2 months of no contact? crazy i tell you. so why can't he just go away? i'm almost embarrassed to admit that i still wonder about him, that i still regress to days of our carefree interactions in blissful ignorance. i can vividly remember the butterflies in my stomach, the intense joy of confessing our feelings for each other. i mean, maybe it was just one of those "young" loves, and i don't know about you dear reader, but young love, as reckless and as immature as it was, gosh, wasn't it just so exciting? do we just end up numbing ourselves as we age? as if, we have acquired so many layers of cynical maturity, that we just can't feel as acutely as we did 10, 11 years ago? is this just a silly hypothesis?

i sometimes wonder if i'll ever feel that deeply towards someone again. it's kinda like going on the best attraction at a theme park, and every other ride after that seems sub par. i don't mean to be crude in my analogy or sexual sounding, it's just how i sort my thoughts out. i am trying to be sincere, despite my indifferent facade. i'm trying to be open minded, and not over think, but i just can't help it.

is this it? should i really not expect anymore, and just be content with my life as it is?